Geek Island

There’s this concept I came up with to solve most of the world’s problems: Geek Island. You take a large island, say Australia. You nuke it real good, to get rid of the current inhabitants. Maybe you don’t have to nuke it. Maybe you send a few thousand ships with “Free Beer” painted on the side. However, I believe nukes are a nice way to get things rolling (break a few eggs and all that).

Next, you gather all the world’s geeks. I don’t mean the programmers, and physicists and so forth. I mean the REAL geeks. Those lovable, dysfunctional guys. You know the type, knows every motorbike (bigup JayZ) ever manufactured, or can draw up a complete family tree of everyone in the Lord of The Rings, or even schematics of the Starship Enterprise.

How do you get them onto the island? Sure, don’t think for yourself! Expect the genius to spell it all out! Well, CONVENTIONS. No geek can resist em. Just have the mother of all conventions in Australia.

OK, now they are all together… leave them. Let them breed (My next entry is about the difficulties in getting geeks to reproduce, and the sociological consequences of the acute female geek shortage). Voila. We have a population of geeks ready to solve the world’s problems in absurd ways. Trust me. I’ll give an example:

We’ve been ravaged by hurricanes and tropical storms of late. Lots of hypotheses abound as to what is causing this recent windiness. Here’s mine. You know how chaos theorists (who are they?) claim a butterfly flapping its wings can cause a hurricane across the globe? Well it seems obvious that there are many a hyperactive butterfly about. Who better to neutralize them than a tribe of butterfly collectors… from Geek Island? We could send a few planes over, pick up the collectors, and send em to China and the like. With nets. Lotsa nets. And those butterfly-pinny-things. Once they’re done, we’d just tell them there was another convention in Australia. None of them will be able to resist reuniting to show off their finds. Voila. No more hurricanes.